Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Vending Machine Atrocities

Is it just me, or are vending machines the most awkward things ever? I would say I rarely get anything out of vending machines. Mostly because almost everything in there is super unhealthy, or it is soda, which I do not drink. But there are a few times when I have found myself searching my desk for change in a sudden collapse of will power.

But have you ever noticed the behavior that happens around a vending machine? People suddenly feel the need to verbalize every decision and start rambling incoherently. The only way to feel decent about yourself while at a vending machine is if no one sees the transaction.

Have you noticed that? As your coworker is pulling a bag of chips out of the vending machine, she says "Umm, wow. My lunch was so small, I just umm, needed a snack to go with it". Or, "I haven't eaten all day. I am so hungry. I normally wouldn't eat this crap". Yea right fat ass. You are at that vending machine 3 times a day. I've seen your keyboard - Orange from the cheetos coloration that your fingers have sustained after years of vending machine abuse.

Regardless of what you are getting out of that vending machine, I cannot help but look down upon you. And the few times I have caved and gotten vending machine items, I feel like people are judging me as well. Which you should. When is the last time you saw someone getting an apple of out a vending machine? Exactly.