If She Can Make It, So Can I ...

Seriously? Is this real? Real "Housewife" of Atlanta Kim Zolciak has released a single that is sure to begin playing at every gay bar in the country. (Side note - Am I taking Crazy Pills, or are half of the "ladies" of the Real Housewives of Atlanta single? Is it just me or does the word housewife not come with actually having a husband? Also, being from Atlanta, it makes me angry that none of the women actually live IN Atlanta. They all live in suburbs. And why are they all getting their homes foreclosed? Atlanta is not that bunk ladies and gentleman).

Anyway, thanks to my good friend Carrie Clark for giving me the heads up on this single. And as she put it, this just proves that a sound editor and a producer can make anyone sound good. Kim must have hired the same guy who has produced all of Britney Spears' albums. Maybe Kim and Britney should go on an acapella singing tour of the country and we can decide who has a more terrible voice.

Also, can we please talk about the title of the song? Tardy for the Party? That sounds like something that Miley Cyrus would sing (pre poll dancing/stripping on the internet Miley). It quite possibly might be the worst title of a song I have ever heard. I want to throw up all over it. Let me know what you think of the song. Listen here. The sad thing is, it is kind of catchy. Anything with a good beat and techno music makes my little gay body want to dance. Cut to me this weekend drunkenly dancing to this song at the local gay bar trying miserably, and with no luck, to seduce some unsuspecting bar patron. Story of my life ... story of my life.

I Hate What Facebook Has Become

I hate you Facebook. What once was used as a fun stalking tool has turned into a complete mess. The last thing I want when I log in is to see that "Kathy" has added new photos of herself giving birth. Or see a status update that "Julia's" baby is no longer accepting her breast milk. How can I feel confident opening up my Facebook at work when my boss might walk by and see a picture of your bloody, naked baby just as it is taking its first breath of air? I would rather gouge my eyes out with shrimp forks than see your baby in that state.

What happened to the good old days when Facebook was used to stalk people, look at pictures of drunk friends and be an overall time suck?

And don't even get me started on friends that are engaged! It's bad enough that I have to hear about your child, but the minutia of comments and posts leading up to your big day make me want to vomit. It's awful enough that I cannot legally marry in most states, but I really don't need 5 status updates a day about how you and your fiancé are picking bridesmaids fabric, tasting wedding cakes and planning your honeymoon. Trust me, I don't care, and I am tempted to delete you. Speaking of, who are you anyway, and why are we even friends? Didn't we have 9th grade biology together? You probably called me a homo behind my back and now only like me because I got cute.

And what is with all of the quizzes that people take? Now, I understand that quizzes can be extremely fun, but does that mean that you have to share your results with everyone you know on Facebook? I really don't care that "Bridges of Madison County" is the movie that most resembles your life according to some asinine quiz that some loser made up. Seriously, take the quiz, view the results, but do not publish to my wall.

And finally, I do not want to be invited to your group where you hand out pieces of flare or ask me to join your Facebook farming community. Please stop sending me these requests. Like I said, I barely know you anyway, so what makes you think I would want to send you a piece of flare? My goodness!

Now, with all of that being said, I still use Facebook like Amy Winehouse still uses crack - it's a total crutch that I cannot get through my day without. And part of me would totally delete my account if it wasn't for the fact that Facebook is one of the quickest and easiest mediums to get you to read my blog. Face it, isn't that how you read this post today?

Anyway, for all of our sakes, please continue to just post pics of you half-naked or drunk, because really, that is all most of us want to see.

And I Keep Getting More Famous

As many of you know, I have started writing for another blog called QueerSighted. This is helping me catapult my fame and good looks to the masses. And even though I have no clue how many people read QueerSighted, it surely has to be more than my little dog and pony show I have going on here. And while I did have good response to my run in with Star Jones, I really need someone bigger to really help me get into the celebrity spotlight. I am taking aim at Perez Hilton.

I wrote an article on QueerSighted the other day about the comeback of our diva Whitney Houston. Several people commented on the article - most of whom I assume I know - but there was one comment that was a little bizarre. It read:

"Who is this guy "gay blogger" Craig who thinks he's gonna be the new me? At least he lives in NY and can only blog about like 5 celebrities, and the cast of Gossip Girl...how far can that really take you? Good luck bb."

The name of the poster who commented was "Perez". Clearly Perez Hilton. I mean, none of my friends would ever pretend to be Perez Hilton to make it look like my article was being read by actual people! So, I thought this was funny and moved on. I then checked out this blog and read the following comment on the previous story about living in a doorman building:

"Awe bb, cute how you think you're a celebrity now, that a tiny website has picked up a few blogs. While you may be a little funny, you're gonna have to find more interesting things to write about other than yourself if you want any real attention. Get some real dirt! Pay off some bitches on the sets or something. I guess you just remind me of someone very close to me ;) best of luck."

The name of the poster who commented on this post was "Mario L". I thought this was odd because it was pretty similar to the comment on QueerSighted. So, I clicked on Mario L's name to see if this person had an e-mail address. When I clicked on Mario L it brought me to PerezHilton.com. That made it even more awkward. I mentioned this to my editor at QueerSighted and it turns out Perez Hilton's real name is Mario Lavandeira. Coincidence? I think not.

The obvious conclusion is that Perez Hilton is obviously reading my blog and is threatened by me. I clearly have a much cuter face, a better personality and am much more hilarious. The only thing holding me back is that I do not know many celebrities (erm, no celebrities?). I say bring it on Perez. When my little blog takes over the world, I will look back and thank you, Perez, for being a pioneer for gay male bloggers everywhere. Let the competition begin!