The Gayest Movie Ever Told ... Maybe

Last night I was (un)lucky enough to get a free ticket to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince before most nerds got to see it. I work for a company that gets cool things and we were able to see this without standing in line before every else. For shear superiority factor, I wanted to go and rub it in everyone's face that I had already seen what is sure to be a mega hit. That being said, the movie was kind of boring and I am glad I didn't wasted 14 hours of my life seeing the other 5.

The best part of the night came during the previews. Warner Brothers upcoming movie Shorts, which is about "Toe Thompson, who just wants to make a few friends...until a mysterious rainbow-colored rock falls from the sky, hits him in the head and changes everything". Ummm, wtf? Is that what happened to me when I was a child? Did a little gay, rainbow colored rock fall from the sky and into my crib? Is that how gaybies are made?

If so, I "found my rock" at an early, early age. Whether it was me watching The Sound of Music and Grease every day when I was 2 years old, or me crying because my dad wouldn't let my nails get painted clear when I was 3 (sadly, both true stories), I was a gayby from the get go.

But what about people who don't "find their rock" until later in life? Did Anne Heche find part of a rainbow rock, and then decide to destroy it, sending her from Ellen back to straight men? If all it takes is getting this special gay, rainbow rock, please remind me to send rainbow rocks to the following people: Andy Roddick, Eddie Cibrian, George Clooney (although, one might think he has 1/4 of a rainbow rock somewhere), and Tom Brady.

I also would like to applaud Warner Brothers for writing and producing a movie that celebrates gaybies and all of their troubles growing up. It is about time that a gay rock can star in a major film. Too long have gay rocks been repressed. Also, I think i am going to start a new word for coming out - "finding your rock". Let's see if we can get this started and if we can make this stick. Like I said, I "found my rock" when I was a wee lad, however, hot guys, like Brad Pitt, still need to "find their rock". Mmhmmm, Brad Pitt ...