My night with Star Jones ... and Cirque du Soleil

So last night I got to go to Cirque du Soleil - Kooza, with my team from work and some clients. Now I am not sure if you have seen Cirque before or not, but it is some bat s*it crazy stuff, and unless you see it, you cannot even begin to understand how crazy these people are. I mean, do they have no fear? I guess when you are plucked from your family in your native country of China or Russia at the age of 3 and forced to learn gymnastics, contortion and juggling, you pretty much have no fear ... ahh, Communist regimes ... producing such talent. I digress ...

We meet our fabulous clients at this boat called a water taxi, which you have to take to Cirque because it is on an island off of Manhattan called Randall's Island. The boat is yellow and resembles a taxi - wow, creative eh? The sad thing is, even creeping along the East River, I feel it was faster than trying to take a real taxi down any street in Manhattan during rush hour. It was cloudy, but the skyline tour of Manhattan was nice. After 25 minutes on the water taxi, we arrive at Randall's Island. When we get off, its like, a 10-15 minute walk down this gravel road to the actual tent where Cirque is held. Hello, could the boat not just drop us off right outside? Thank God I didn't wear heels! I felt bad for all of the ladies, but they somehow managed the rocky terrain as they knew that free food, booze, and Cirque were at the end of the (gravel) road. And Dorothy thought she had it rough - stop complaining, you had Yellow Brick! B*tch.

We arrive and are escorted into the VIP tent, which as you know, is the only way I roll. I am sorry, I do not hang out with commoners. Our group was fabulous and we deserved the royal treatment! We enter and are instantly given champagne and/or wine and head off to mingle and eat. Side note: While in line waiting for my pork tenderloin sandwich, the crazy skinny woman in front of me pulled out a personal scale from her purse and asked the pork loin cutter to give her 4 oz of meat! WTF. What a nut case. Anyway, we are all talking and mingling when all of a sudden I hear that Star Jones is behind me! I turn around, and of course she is in the Pork Tenderloin sandwich line. She a'int as skinny as she used to be ladies and gentleman - bokay?! She was with a man in a linen suit who actually appeared to be straight - maybe this one is a keeper Star, maybe this one is a keeper ...
Well, wanting to be the gay Chelsea Handler/Kathy Griffin, I decide that I need to talk to Star. Hello, amazing fodder for my blog in case she does anything ca-razy.

So, she turns around from getting her Sammy and I am all "Hey Star"! (Please go crazy, please go crazy!) She looks at me, and politely says "Hi" back. We exhange pleasantries and she is on her way to swallow her sandwich whole.

Well, back to my group I go, and we are looking through the complimentary program of all the performers who are in the show. And let me tell you, some of these circus freaks are cute. Especially one named Anthony Gallo who was a juggler. I immediately get excited for the juggling portion of the show. The bell rings and we all rush to find our seats. Turns out, we have the best seats in the house. 4th row, dead center. Oh, and guess who is 3 rows behind me - Star Jones. Can't pony up for the good seats Star? Suddenly I am beginning to feel more important than she is.

Well, the show is amazing. Everything is crazy and I was freaked out the whole time that someone was going to fall and die - luckily that did not happen. Intermission comes and I talk to Star outside the bathroom for a moment. Again, she is quite nice. Blast! The juggler had not come on stage before intermission, so I put my best stalker face on, and look him up on Facebook on my BlackBerry. I find him, and request that he be my friend. After gorging ourselves on a chocolate fountain and more champagne, we go in for Act II. My juggler comes out and is wearing a head to toe sequined silver suit and is probably 5 feet tall. ACK. He was much cuter in the program. Anyway, he was pretty freakin amazing. We will see if he accepts my Facebook friend request!

The show ends and we hoof it back to the water taxi and head home. We get off the water taxi and start looking for taxis and it begins to rain - go figure. Trying to hail a taxi in the rain in NYC is like trying to find water in a desert. My coworker and I who were going in the same direction ended up finding a taxi after about 10 minutes and made our way home. Overall, we had an amazing night and I will wait for Star Jones to call me to hang out. I know she is dying to ... I mean, who isn't?